I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
