it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
