why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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