I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
