put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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