the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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