Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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