Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
