Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
