Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
