Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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