this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
