I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
