You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
