Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
