I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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