I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
