Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
