What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
