Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
