Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
