then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
