How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
