I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
