I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
