I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
