I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
