my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
