I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
