After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
