I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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