no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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