Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
