we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
