Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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