Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
