Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
