either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
