Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
