Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want nice things and good sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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