Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
