She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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