I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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