so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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