im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
