I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
