I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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