Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
