I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
