I bet he comes in French.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
