so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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