just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
worst night to have a conscience
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
